For years, I had to keep my interests to myself, even from people I considered friends, because they were not what I believed was expected of me. I have always had insecurities, and this was just more of the same. I have tried everything from the Sub, the FemDom, the Housewife (I DON'T recommend married life unless you are 1,000% sure...), the college student, and the professional slut. (...on camera! 😜) In the end, I am still the girl who was continually picked on throughout elementary school, Jr. High, and dropped out of regular High School to graduate 2 years early with a home study program due to years of bullying. (Yes, I got my Diploma!)
I was teased because I loved horses (they called me horse-girl) and devoted my time to riding. I trained with Canadian Olympic equestrians and one of my riding instructors was a granddaughter of Albert Einstein. It was my passion. Nobody ever left me alone about it either. When I wasn't riding, I was playing The Legend of Zelda & Super Bomberman on my SNES or reading about my hero Wonder Woman. I wanted to grow up to be just like her. I wanted to look like her, I wanted to be confident like her, (she could hold her own against Superman... that is one bad ass chick!) I wanted to have friends like her, I wanted to be glamorous and tough like her. I wanted to BE Wonder Woman because she was everything that I wasn't. When I became a teenager I discovered sex, drugs, and the punk scene. I wanted SO bad to be accepted. I quickly realized that my "friends" were laughing AT me about my favorite things. I dropped out of riding, sold my horse, boxed up my games, and threw away all of my dog-eared comics.
Flash foreward a couple of years. I had been in numerous bad relationships and had just made a huge mistake... and it cost me. I almost lost my career over him. I was always ostracized about my career and how horrible it was, even when the guy in question was basking in the attention it brought him, and was told that I was what was wrong with women in society. Other women actually agreed, saying that I was being used, didn't like my career, or was being coerced... acting like I had no choice and was plainly stupid. The last relationship really struck a nerve and I finally hit rock bottom. I didn't leave the house for weeks at a time. I got lucky though, and found someone who helped me through it all. When he would read his comics I started asking about my old favorite and started following her again. He made me realize that it was OK to actually LIKE comic books and be a girl... it doesn't mean you are less of a woman and there was plenty of room for me to enjoy them too. Then I took the reigns and went further. I started playing games again... he was so happy at first... then the console wars of 2014 began, LoL. I have since reconnected with my sexuality and no longer hide my career from anyone who asks. I have embraced the "professional slut" that I am and although my parents don't approve of what (or who, tee-hee) I do, I have and thats enough. Over the years, I have worked my butt off and gone through pain and sacrifice to look like my childhood idol... and I think I kind of do (When I don't dye my hair blonde, anyway! LoL) but I still feel like the girl everyone teased and called "horse-girl". I have realized that the insecurity will never go away. The bullying I suffered left a mark on me, and a part of me will always be desperate to "fit-in". I stopped caring and even when other girls would get snarky because I was talking to their boyfriends and husbands about Star Trek: The Next Generation (MY FAVORITE!!!) Star Wars (Original trilogy & the Prequals... don't stone me they are awesome, LoL) or ... GASP ... Video Games. (Sure they were checking out my ass or staring at my tits too, but I was enjoying talking to someone who also knows that Commander Data is fully functional and programmed in multiple techniques... (ask Tasha Yar!) or that Captain Picard was an avid amature archeologist. (I would SOOO bang BOTH of them BTW)
I started publicly acknowledging my interests, but got lumped in with these "nerd-girls" or "gamer-girls". To be honest, taking a fucking selfi with a controller does NOT make you a gamer... spending 8 hours strait grinding through Gears of War does. So, you are a "Nerd" are you? Tell me how many nights you spent crying because nobody accepted you or didn't invite you to the sleepover.... GRRR. Sorry, went on a rant...LoL. Then I found a few girls like myself who are ACTUALLY interested in these things (Hi @mercedesxxx!) and I found out about GamerGate. At first I didn't understand... and then I read a few articles and followed a few links. I started getting more and more angry about the whole thing... "Who are they to speak for ME!" I worked my ASS off to look like this. What I couldn't get in the gym or dinner table I bought. Girls that look like the comics and games DO exist. I am walking proof! It's all a matter of how much you want it and what you are willing to sacrifice. Guys are attracted to women who look amazing... NO SHIT. These women, likely the same types who picked on me, are OUTRAGED because an attractive woman turns a guy's head... I don't get it?!? These "feminists" say that the perception of women in video games is appalling and unrealistic. Hmmm. Same kind that bash Wonder Woman or Barbi for not having love handles and cellulite. They think that it is sickening how women are portrayed... well I have an argument for them. Two to be precise.
Yeah... I have RARELY found a man with that sort of muscle definition and density... even ON steroids. Sure, women are sexualized... but guess what? So are men! I don't see throngs of gamers or Comic fans screaming that Superman needs to have a beer belly and a receding hairline because it is more realistic... but these women are screaming for equality that THEY ALREADY HAVE. These women bully Kelly Cucoco because she believes differently than they do. I am called a whore and a harlot for my career by women who have CHOSEN to not look like I do by simply changing their lifestyle. The same women are calling gamers around the world insensitive and bullies... just how many of these feminists (Yeah, I am looking at you Anita) laughed at the guy who asked them on a date or refused to talk to their friend from elementary school because she wasn't with the "in" crowd? Fuck her, fuck these so-called "feminists" and fuck ANYONE who wants to speak for me. I have my own voice, and do you know what! Thanks to other brave women who have said, fuck it! I am who I am... Deal with it! I am willing to bet the rest of my career on it. This is who I am. I love video games and scifi. I am a comic book junkie. I REFUSE to call myself or anyone else a "Nerd" because when I was young, I cried myself to sleep after days of hearing nothing else. I am no rocket scientist but I am one semester away from my BS (which I will likely never finish, LoL). I am NOT stupid. I like what I like and that is ok. There should be integrity in journalism though, whether you are reporting on the War in Afghanistan or the latest installment in the Bioshock series. Nobody should get preferential treatment due to politically correct critics and media outlets. I am what I am. I am one of the professional sluts who will NOT be spoken for by a bunch of radical feminists using this "outrage" to further a personal agenda while ruining something that means so much to so many people. I guess all I really only have one thing left to say.
#GamerGate
Natalie Minx
